Wednesday, April 04, 2007

On silence ..

A long distance relationship is hard.
No we are not together.. but its a relationship .. as yet undefined.
BJ fell into the habit of taking me for granted so very easily. We'd talk online, and usually I'd call once or twice a week. Then I noticed that I was intitating all the conversations and he was acting kinda passive and distant. I asked him what was up. First time he said nothing, everything is as it was. Second time he said its hard to express myself with you so far away and this being our only method of communication. Red flag? White flag? So I just stopped. I stopped calling him, I stopped going online in the evenings to chat. When we did speak however, I was always sweet as pie.

The result:
Day 2: He links me online, 'everything ok, babes?'
Day 5: He initiates an IM conversation, I am pleasant but I have to go..
Day 8: He calls (!) and talks to me for a rather long time.
Day 10: He tells me his detailed plans for the weekend. I didn't ask eh?
Day 14: I come to my computer to find a long conversation from him. it ends with both I miss you and I love you.

Go figure the man who 2 weeks ago was ignoring me. Steups!


Dutch Pot said...

Good move. It was very late in my dating days that I perfected the art of "maintaining a healthy distance". You keep your sanity, maintain your grace and the boys fall by the wayside. BUT - there are some VERY good mature players out there who know how to make that work for them too. Those, you just have to know to CUT OFF! Sigh. The rites of womanhood.

taylor2nd said...

games. I love and hate em.. um.. Guess it worked tho..

lol @ red flag white flag.. thats kinda funny.

Crankyputz said...


I know the long distance dance well enough.

It's waves of interest.

My opinion, keep un-defined, and non exculsive, till someone makes the grand gesture and "moves"

Good Luck!

SimplEnigma said...

LOL...A friend of mine was just detailing a similar experience with her LD situation...Sometimes you gotta sit back and let things take their natural course - I don't necessarily think of it as game playing. Actually, it might even be the reverse, come to think of it.

Even more proof that God has a sense of humor and a sense of irony: the minute you start to pull away, the other person inches closer; or you'll have decided to go on a diet, then win a lifetime supply of Haagen Daaz icecream...

Kingston Girl said...

it's not playing games - it's jsut helping them to appreciate you more when it's not easy.

My man has been great since I came back from my month in Israel - the time away made him realise how great I am!

Bobby said...

mmmmmmmm i kinda understand the feeling but sometimes it just doubt ...and obviously it is playing both hands ...go figure... :)

Leon said...

Seems that BJ got worried. Probably thought there was a man out there attention the attention he once did, and is now trying to get it back.

Yamfoot said...

when he didnt call you, it was because he was busy at work. Didnt you get the memo?

anyway, are we being ungrateful here????

but anyway, dem long distance tings is not for di I and I. Absence makes the heart find somebody else!

Gooders Girl said...

English saying:

"Treat em men to keep em keen."

Works everytime!

Ursula said...

Interesting strategy. Glad its worked out for you.

katrice said...

I told you they love it when your attention is elsewhere.

Desirea Madison said...

Wow. I guess I need to be less available.

Stunner said...

Hmmm! (Stunner: taking note of this type of female behaviour.)

The Seeker said...

ahhhhh Women!

owen said...

I don't even call Long distance, that should show how much long distance relationships are worth to me.
The thing is we love it when you call. It lets us know that your happy. And when you don't call we worry that you've driven off a cliff somewhere or are in one of you "moods". So we try to fix you. No matter how much you call, it'll be appreciated, if he didn't want you to call he would have told you to stop or blocked your number.

That trick will only work for so long - you can't change us. Once your fixed thats it.

Island Spice said...

Welcome Seeker.

Thanks Taylor.. glad someone got it! :)